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HOW WILL I SURVIVE THE END OF MY MARRIAGE ???

Posted by Leonard Klein, Esq. in Recovering from Divorce

No one likes to think, when entering into a marriage that it will at some point come to an unhappy ending. Along the way many couples realize that the marriage is no longer working.  Some are able to work together to bring their marriage to a smooth ending.

However, most often that is not the case and, when one party says that he or she wants to end the marriage, the other party is devastated and the roller coaster ride starts.

The first thing that you must do is to meet with an attorney who handles matrimonial cases on a daily basis. It is imperative that you be informed about your rights and obligations under the prevailing law, taking into account the relevant facts from your marriage. An attorney who concentrates in this area of law will be able to alert you to the many pitfalls that you might encounter. He or she will be able to guide you through this most difficult process.

After years of experience handling matrimonial cases I have been able to give practical suggestions to prospective clients to help them get through this period in their lives.

  1. Thinking about your financial future. Will you need more schooling? Should you seek out a different employment position? What expenses will you be responsible for paying after your divorce? Will you have enough assets and income to meet those expenses? There are many resources to guide you in this endeavor. You most likely will want to meet with a financial consultant.
  1. If you feel the need, meet with a psychologist, social worker or clergy person to obtain guidance about how to handle the emotional aspects of the break up of your marriage. No matter how strong an individual you are, it is extremely difficult to travel through a divorce without having it affect your emotions. You need to think clearly and rationally, not emotionally, although that is simpler to say this than to actually carry it out.
  1. You also need to take physical care of yourself. You need to do your best to eat well and, with the advice of your physician, get plenty of exercise. Sleep is also very important. By eating well, sleeping as well as you can and exercising you will be better able to withstand the divorce process and the emotional swings that are all too common. Meditation, yoga, walking, swimming and other forms of exercise will help you relieve the tensions that will invariably occur.
  1. Renewing old friendships or finding new ones will help you cope with the loneliness that may very well come from the end of your marriage. You may want to investigate whether there are any community organizations that would welcome your skills and assistance. You might find enjoyment and new friends through that process.
  1. There are things that you should not do as you go through this process. Most importantly do not post your feelings about your spouse or any other person with whom he or she is involved on social media.
  1. Never say never. You must keep an open mind and explore various alternatives that might become available to you.
  1. Do not involve your minor children in your marital problems. Try to remember that your children most likely love both parents and the break up of your marriage is traumatic enough without having them share your problems.
  1. Beware taking advice from well meaning friends and relatives.

There are many war stories out there. However each case is different and, what may have worked for somebody else, might not be applicable to your case.  You cannot compare cases!

  1. Do not think that your world is coming to an end. It may feel that way at times, but you will survive.

There are better days ahead and you should strive to do your best to get there.

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